He repeatedly says very hurtful things about me to my boyfriend or to the rest of his family. So, I say, continue along. Don't give her so much power. This doesn't necessarily mean he's ashamed of you for being you. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. Cleopatra Jones If she was all that concerned, she could have broached it a different way. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. Personally, I think she got angry, went off on him, and then tried to frame it as trying to help him. Second, she poisoned the well with her parents in regard to this relationship, by venting to them. I brought this up to the boyfriend and he thought the issue was shallow, told me i was over reacting and that i was being childish, and that he expected more from me because he thought i was strong. For weeks I felt betrayed; I felt like James didnt have my back, and I felt like he was okay with this insane treatment. Your bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that's not more of an issue? Started February 23, By Answer (1 of 19): Yes, it is a big red flag. He might be taking his time to figure out how he wants to proceed. You may meet his family in time, but maybe now all you have to do is be patient. My boyfriend has been jacking off to pretty much everything but me, should I feel weird about it. Please please help me. Bittergaymark In fact, he probably wouldnt want to even consider it if youre not making enough money or if your family background isnt worth bragging about. SailBobo Theres no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did. Because i do care. Just because theyre family it doesnt mean they can get away with treating a girl like sh*t who didnt do anything to them. He's turning 25 this year and im 24. Cleopatra Jones Weve been dating for 3 years my (18f) boyfriend (19m) wont defend me to his parents. She deliberately threw a bomb. Also i dont think im supercharged at her actions just because she cheated on my friend. If he feels you arent good enough, he will elaborate some excuse and disappear into thin air. He committed a premeditated assault. Love is not a cup of sugar that gets used up because its extended beyond traditional blood ties. Ruby Thursday It's sad to say, but often the reason a man doesn't invite a partner to his family events is that he's embarrassed or ashamed of them. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. ele4phant Who knows what is going on with him? I dont like that your parents have a close relationship with another child thats not mine.?? This makes me mad. Your boyfriend is probably defending his ex because he doesn't want you to think she's a bad personeven if she was. He condones their behavior, and 2. Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Sub. Remember that everyone has their own relationships with their families, and your relationship might not be conducive to the family environment. All rights reserved. His reaction is so out of proportion to her comments. Yes, this would be a deal breaker for me. Perhaps she should have left the topic to her boyfriend, but her partners success directly affects her. Jesus. Hes not in a tough position. shouted at her and assaulted the truck. Granted the aggressive behavior is a step too far. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Actually, her bf and Ross are partners: they own a business together, they own a house together, they are closer than any brothers she has ever encountered. If it was just a bad reaction at the restaurant, I might agree with you. This can also be the reason why hes not introducing you to his friends. The brother should have her back on that when it comes to unacceptable behavior, at least. How do I know, bad breakup. and if they did i wouldnt hesitate to stand up for my boyfriend. She has issues with her cousin's girlfriends for no reason at all. its kind of rude for her to point that out but it is the truth. Even if James loves you, hes part of a pretty dysfunctional situation thats been enabling Rosss addiction for years now. You have no idea what is going on in his world. We both have our issues that we are dealing with and we are dealing with them together and leaning on each other. You dont know their personalities or the pressures that they place on him. I then became a target of her wrath pretty much since then. By correcting you." JinjimmynieSeptember 11, 2017 in Relationship Advice. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. That would really piss me off. It sounds like she chose a restaurant so that Ross couldnt react, but he did anyway. Im not sure what to do at this point tldr: My boyfriend doesnt defend me when his friends trash talk me. He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. If this is the case, he might be afraid of how they will treat you and he doesnt want to hurt you. You can talk to your partner about it and express concern. Just be responsive to the parents. I begged him to be on my side and he just tells me "I am on your side. Which is fine. Knowing that he has anger issues, why would she think it was OK to do that? At least, that is what I would hope he would get from a few sessions of counseling. Your boyfriend might be keeping you from his family because he doesnt have a moment to bring you over. Cookie Notice If she's just being mean to me i could probably Stomach that but i cant ignore how she also spreads rumors about me to their extended family which affects my relationship with them too. In time, I realized that James does have my back, he is just in a very hard situation. You are looking : boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family, The following summaries about what is goat pus will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. 3. His sister is definitely a terrible person. Started October 30, 2022, By November 30, 2017, 4:47 pm. I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me, but at the same time, hes not trying to marry his brother while he claims to want to marry me. Yes, you ARE youngtoo young to take on your bfs family members addiction problems. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. If his family is in another state and he still goes back home every so often, he might not want to burden you with the trip. I've been trying really really hard to ignore what she's doing. For more information, please see our 12. Started Tuesday at 03:06 AM, By Personally, the mother should have set better boundaries because it is easy to become attached to a little one and want to be in their life but reality is mother is likely to find someone else, same as your son( and how would their signifcant other feel..thats not fair for them. Presumably, you fill a role in her life that is unfilled otherwise, and she does the same for you. lol I'm so mad when this happens. Hindsight is 20/20 though and you are young and probably acted without thinking. Even if you crossed a line, Ross is volatile and dangerous. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. If I were James and Ross for that matter Id be super pissed about that. November 30, 2017, 9:39 am. I am a member of a local 12-step program organized to help people and . And shes not married to James so his success has absolutely no impact on her either. I didnt but now i wish i did had i known that inaction on my part would still lead to this. But things started to get worse for me when her ex boyfriend broke up with her for cheating on multiple men, and she blamed me for ratting out because the ex was a friend of mine. Ugh. We have spoken about him defending me in front of them multiple times but he still hasnt done it. I wouldn't want to waste more time with someone who doesn't have my back. I would love nothing more to pack my bags and leave him but 6 years is a long time But yeah i really get you that family is forever and its bad enough that im having a hard time as it is now, how much more when we're married and more problems arise? It makes me hate myself because i feel like he's missing out, that he could have a girlfriend that gets along with his family, but i hate him for not doing anything because deep down i think he's partly to blame. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Oh but we're kind of still young. Sure, her boyfriends success affects her, but if your partners work situation is of concern, then the solution isnt to unilaterally confront the person who is creating the issue. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesnt defend me in front of his friends. You have done all you can, he's the one that needs to do things. November 30, 2017, 1:22 pm. It does sound like he is dismissing your opinion. Ross has a serious drinking problem. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about two old goats arthritis formula reviews will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. LisforLeslie November 30, 2017, 10:35 am, I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me . He also is known to have major anger issues. dinoceros Fortnite This is not difficult. His grandmother has compared me to other girls and his father has even told me Im unattractive. Unfortunately, I agree with DW You must break up with James. If you feel like he is hiding you, it can be because he is in fact hiding you. I appreciate a different outtake on this. I agree that the LW may have erred in how she shared her concerns/wanted to provoke a reaction (depending on which way you lean). It sounds awful, frustrating and infuriating. If your bf won't support you it isn't anyone's fault but your bf's. His dad dislikes almost everyone in his life, including me. Im very sorry you have to go through this. Also, if his parents are nice to you, why are they being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be around them? November 30, 2017, 2:06 pm. It might be deeper than him "not bothering" to do so; maybe he doesn't get along with his family, maybe he's ashamed to introduce them to you, and maybe a host of 100 different reasons. Like ? How petty. She started spreading rumors about me to their extended family that i was a gold digger other equally false and nasty rumors. And now she constantly passively aggressively makes it a point that im not part of the family. Dw you must break up with James if i were James and Ross for that matter Id super. Posted and votes can not be cast on with him be the reason why not. 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